Born unto this world at the same time as myself, you have ever been a thorn in the side of all that is good and wholesome.
Your detestable lifestyle and the contemptible tactics you have ever employed, have finally won you a place in Olympus.
I take a deep breath and before the words can stick in my throat, I offer you painful but genuine congratulations. No other individual has chased the Olympian dream with such ruthless, dogged determination, over such an extended period of time.
Its a gargantuan achievement, well done.
Written by my hand on the 15th of Mournsend, in the year 1203.